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The Toso family in 2007.
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“When we brought our first baby, Kelsey, home from the hospital, we changed her, fed her and burped her—but she just kept crying. She wouldn’t sleep,” Andy Toso remembers. “We didn’t know what to do or who to call.”
Together Andy and his wife, Tammy, made it through those first uncertain days as new parents, and later had two more daughters, Karley and Kortney. “Tammy loved being a mom, taking the girls to dance class and swimming lessons,” Andy says, lovingly. “The girls were her world.”
But in 2009, after experiencing symptoms for several months, 39-year-old Tammy Toso learned she had pancreatic cancer. Only a few weeks later it became clear that her cancer had progressed too far, and her oncologist called Agrace HospiceCare.
“With her cancer diagnosis,” Andy says, “we just looked at each other and wondered ‘Well, what do we do now?’ like we had when we were new parents. But when we got hospice,” he says, “there was always an answer.” With Agrace HospiceCare, Tammy was able to remain in her Stoughton home. “When someone from Agrace would come in, they would ask Tammy about family, the kids,” Andy says. “It wasn’t like going through the numbers, it was authentic. Within five minutes—even with the girls—it was like we had known them for 20 years.”
The Agrace HospiceCare team kept Tammy comfortable enough that she could visit with friends or read, Andy says. “They told her, ‘We are not going to let you become scared. We are going to do our best to make you comfortable.’” The nurses explained Tammy’s condition to her in a way she understood so she could share it with people who came to see her. For the couple’s daughters, who were just 12, 9 and 4, the Agrace HospiceCare team provided professional grief support to prepare them for losing their mother.
“I didn’t see it coming, the morning she passed,” Andy remembers. “But Erin (the Agrace HospiceCare nurse) knew. She came up to Tammy and held her hand and explained what was going to happen. We brought the girls home from school, and we were all at home with her when she died. That is what she wanted. Agrace enabled us to do that. When I think of Agrace HospiceCare, I think what a blessing.”
Kelsey, Kortney and Karley Toso
You can give families like the Tosos the opportunity for comfort, dignity and peace at the end of a life. And you can also make it possible for families to receive the grief support they need to survive their loss. With a tax-deductible donation to Agrace HospiceCare, you can Light Up a Life.
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